A Cougar’s Manifesto

First
you should know
that I know what I want
I want to meet my Beloved
and live happily ever after
But in the meantime
today is my birthday
I’m 43
I’m sex-positive
I’ve been celibate for 2 years
and I need help.

I don’t need your money
just your generosity in bed
I don’t need your validation
but your recognition and caring
I don’t need your sperm
just your semen
and I don’t need your pity
‘cuz you should get as much out of this
as me
and there’s nothing pitiful
about my life
just occasional loneliness
chronic horniness
and a longing for male warmth.
You feel me?

Second
there are rules
safety first
no means no
we respect each other’s boundaries – and
the unspoken one – no sleepovers
You see, I’m not interested in
jacking off with your body
but a connection
and I’m super prone
to falling in love
and jealousy
so this rule keeps some distance
as does my declared non-monogamy
even though there’s no one else right now
and the truth is
I only want you to myself.

Third
now that it’s been a month of
“hanging out” and
“chilling”
I need to clarify that
I don’t wanna do all the work
I do that all day and
I need to feel wanted, so
I’d like you to make more dates
with a specific time and place, no
“hit me up when you get back” or
“what are you up to?”
I’m waiting for you like we agreed, fool!
And my return date isn’t a surprise
it’s paid for!
I’m a busy professional, dammit
I’m 43!
I don’t have time to wait around
plus it drives me crazy
I prefer light planning plus
spontaneity

Oh yeah that’s right
I’m supposed to be getting my needs met
by more than one man
and this is supposed to be more
physical than emotional
but the sex isn’t good unless it’s emotional
and I don’t feel so turned on by our
political discussions
I adore your brain
but I don’t need you to have those
so don’t be so shy and hit me up
or sext me
from time to time.

Fourth
don’t call me “dude”
‘cuz dude, I’m not your “bro”
and that’s not sexy
nor am I a “girl”
do I look like a child to you when I’m naked?
I’m a woman, and that might take some getting used to
But you can call me Baby, Sweetheart, or even Susana
until the day
one of us decides
not to honor
this Manifesto.

© S. Rinderle, 2013

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