“My Own Private Desert Oasis,” by guest writer Susana Rinderle – Who but You? living alone series

It’s been an honor and a personal growth journey to participate in this series by my friend and fellow writer Kimberlee Adonna. Enjoy!

Who but You?

My front garden on Mothers' Day 2014.  Photo credit:  the author My front garden on Mothers’ Day 2014.
Photo credit: the author

Why live alone?

I live alone because I love having my own private oasis where I can be myself 100% and have complete control over my environment.  I highly value beauty and a reasonable amount of order, so living alone means no one messes up or pollutes my space in any way (without my permission).  I also live alone because I haven’t yet found my Beloved with whom to share my oasis!

Managing stress and staying grounded

During times of stress, I typically reach out to my sister and close friends/members of “my tribe” for support, advice or venting.  I journal and put helpful thoughts and images on my visioning walls.  I do self care:  napping, watching a movie, taking a bath, exercising, digging in the dirt, laying in the grass, hugging a tree (really) etc.  The earth…

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Audio! — Performance at Women of the World local poets showcase

Hi!  The Women of the World Poetry Slam 2015 is over.  There were hundreds of the best female and female-identified poets in the country in Albuquerque this week, and I feel honored to have been in workshops, audiences and on stage with some of them!  Not only that, Albuquerque’s own Mercedez Holtry tied for third place in the finals!

Saturday’s Local Poets Showcase was one of the event’s highlights for me.  Thanks to everyone who attended, and for those who didn’t make it, here is the audio of my performance!

I’m performing! This Saturday during Women of the World National Poetry Slam!

WOW local poets showcase_2

Hi there fans and fellow lovers of spoken word!  Albuquerque is hosting the annual NATIONAL Women of the World (WOW) Poetry Slam this week, Wednesday through Saturday!  On Saturday March 21st from 12:00 – 2:00 p.m. at the Main Library (501 Copper Ave NW) I’ll be joining TWELVE other female poets to showcase the best of our local poetry and slam talent.  Please come out to this free show, and spread the word.  Learn more about WOW online, buy a ticket to the final championship even ton Saturday night, and learn more about the show on Facebook.  See you at WOW!

Alchemy

I have become that older woman
the one who walks to work
in dress slacks and running shoes
who stops to photograph flowers
on the side of the road

I have become that older woman
whose perky backside and luxurious mane
still inspire whistles from the rear view
eagerness that shrinks from the front
sight of frosted temples
and tired eyes

I have become that older woman
who wears purple and sensible shoes
who craves sleep over sex
prefers deep conversations to nightclubs
chooses in over out
who says “no!” and
“I really meant it!” and
“I’m not going to work harder than you anymore!” and
“don’t you EVER do that again!”

I still care about what others think
but less so
I still refresh my lip gloss
and listen
I just hear my inner voice more clearly
see truth more swiftly
speak less cautiously

When did I become this older woman?

The day my bleeding began to falter?
The day my heart broke for the last time?
The day I noticed the women like me
in my favorite boutique
were the moms and not the customers?
Or when I realized life
was half over?

Now that my life is half over
I wonder
what will become of this older woman?

What is her new alchemy?
How will I convert this fading
into flame?

© S. Rinderle, 3/4/15