Lonely Hollow

I know you, emptiness
I’ve tried to fill you with distraction
and bad habit
still you appear
unexpected and uninvited
at the most inconvenient hour

You show up even when I’m strong
stomach well-fed, limbs well-rested
mind stimulated by discovery
heart nourished by laughter and confession
my friends are many and dear
I enjoy my solitude

You show up anyway
a hollow in my torso
that crowds my heart
an uneasy absence
a misplacing of something
I can’t remember
an unanchoring in my timeline
I float
unaware I’ve drifted


A most particular yearning
an easy smile to come home to
or greet in my doorway
that accepting gaze to relax, unravel in
that does not look away
reliable shoulders to share this yoke
of grinding minutia and terror of change
eager arms to welcome, contain
like yin and yang
curl up silent and safe
when all goes dark
that kind voice
to bring welcome surprise to my monologue
needed stability to my see-saw

I will leave a light on
invite you in
I will prop this hollow open
with stray beams and intention
lest I fill you with too many meditations
too much activity and resilience
I will hold your space
lest I allow you to collapse
under too-tight agendas
despair, or common apathy

I will allow you to be
so he has a place to enter
a space to fill
I will allow you to ache
so my stories don’t turn
into lies
I will allow your emptiness
so my gratitude has a place to reside
leaving room for abundance and joy
when he
finally arrives.

© S. Rinderle, 2015

10 thoughts on “Lonely Hollow

  1. Susana,

    A very touching and moving poem … it is magnificent that you are willing to share these feelings with your world … I believe that such sharing is a very healing thing to do.

    I have a very deep hope that you find whom it is you are seeking … everyone deserves to have a special person with whom to share her/his life … someone with whom you can share your love.

    You are a very lovely person with many talents, I am sure, certainly including a remarkable talent for expressing your feelings.

    I shall always be watching with great anticipation for your next poem … and I hope that you will often grace our listening with your powerful speaking at Fixed and Free.

    In the mean time, you have my admiration and my compassion.

    With my very best wishes, Billy Brown

    • Hello Billy — thank you so much for this kind and encouraging letter, Billy — written as only a fellow poet can do. Thank you for witnessing and appreciating my courage. It’s not easy, and yet I find it’s the holding back that keeps us truly isolated. Broadcasting our particular oddness and vulnerability increases the chances kindred souls will hear our call and respond, no? Thank you also for the invitation to continue attending Fixed and Free — I will be there as often as schedule and energy allows! I appreciate your fandom very much. Best ~ Susana

  2. Impressive! You’re one of the few I know who can be introspective and still not turn into a Bergman movie—even (dare I say it?) overtones of optimism.

    One of the better Yale theologians of the 70s used to say that loneliness is epidemic—the real trick was to transform it into solitude, which he say as a positive place from which one can foster others, as well as grow oneself. I think there is some real truth in that.



  3. Beautifully written! I think this my new favorite. It brought a tear to my eye but also gave me goosebumps. Thank you for sharing your gift!!

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