I used to pay compliments
to coerce growth
from chronically shriveled men.
Now I pay compliments
to bless his triumph
to thank his generosity
to document my pride
to celebrate our separateness.
I used to clutch and claw
at my lover’s heart.
I wanted to suckle endlessly
at the teat of his approval
but I could never be satisfied.
Now I ask for permission.
I take just enough
and give when it’s my turn
because I can.
I used to insist on clarity
and guarantees.
I was too small to contain
the anxiety of all what ifs.
Now I surf waves
on the backs of dolphins
my open arms embrace allowing
and hold unanswerable questions.
The greatest love is this:
to heal one’s own heart
through radical acceptance
of our tender longing
and yawning pain.
The greatest love is to gently close
the Black Hole.
© S. Rinderle, May 2020