Priorities

I reached into the closet of my heart
pulled loneliness off the rack
deep in back
and tried it on for size.

Months had lapsed
since I’d last worn loneliness.
I’d forgotten how heavy it sags,
how it weighs me down
like a woolen sweater underwater.
How it erodes my nerves
like an unrelenting
inaudible hum.
How it colors all my doings with apathy
and stupor.

Loneliness makes me doubt.
It whispers:
What’s the point of anything
if you have no one
you can tell your story?

I’d forgotten
the most important condition
for survival
is some measure
of knowing.
I cannot wander aimlessly
like a wolf in barren winter
with no sign
of my next morsel.

The sky is too cloudy.
The darkness too quiet.
Hundreds of needly teeth
gnaw my insides.
Time suspends in silence
like the interior of a
white, unfurnished cube
where the walls, floor and ceiling
melt together.
Its sinister void
unnerves me.

Yet bravely I whisper:
Of what use is this pristine, empty space
if not to welcome the
unpredictable chaos
of another’s personhood?

I was willing to give up certainty
and perfection
for a kiss.

I guess
I still am.

© S. Rinderle, June 2020

2 thoughts on “Priorities

  1. Susana, Once again, your poetry takes my breath away! You feel your feelings so deeply,\and you express them so vividly! When will your first (or next) poetry book be published?You KNOW I’ll want to be one of the first purchasers! BTW, I’ll soon announce my plans for the next Fixed and Free Poetry Anthology, 2021with submissions to be open from the announcement until approximately mid 2021,with publication date, I hope, soon after August 2021 …our Fixed and Free thirteenth anniversary! I WANT to publish a few of your poems in it … if you wish … 🙂 Also, I still have you on my list to be a featured reader at Fixed and Free next year! Thanks so much for including me on your distribution list …I always get excited when I see a message from Purple Lyrics!!! Many blessings to you and yours. Warmly, Billy

    • Billy thank you for such a kind and enthusiastic note! I’d love to be featured at F&F and also in the anthology! Truth be told, I’ve only started thinking about a book and you’re not the first person to mention this. Any advice on how to go about that? I know how to publish articles, but not books of poems! 🙂

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